Italian investor from Dubai gets super wet

Yoo, cowboy…

One word for you today:

Upwork.

Yep.

I know I just opened a Pandora box and sent shivers down your spine, but…

We gotta talk.

There’s a big and stinky elephant in the room that I need to adress.

Long story short:

I started copywriting back in July last year.

Made my account on Upwork in October or November.

Used it for 1 whole month and dipped.

We all know the fairytale.

Broke clients.

Dumbasses expecting 10 ads and 14 logo designs for $20.

Literally arguing over $5 because they’re so broke.

BUT…

My amnesia wore off about 1-2 months ago.

And I decided to take a peek at the gigs.

Remade my profile and hella improved it.

Used it for 3 days.

And you WON’T believe what happened.

After applying to ~10 gigs…

One prospect finally showed me mercy.

It was a gig on sales funnel + emails for his 15k email list of investors in Dubai (legal).

The guy?

Medical clinics investor. In Dubai. Italian. Marco.

And…

Not an NPC. Surprisingly.

So I was pretty hyped.

I get on a call with him.

We chat about:

• New funnel strategy

• His current funnel

• Offer

• Target audience

Turns out…

His funnel looked like this:

Cold emails > website > $$$

He wanted to sell his 250-500$ package with cold emails.

Cold. Fuckin. Emails.

You can’t make this shit up.

What’s even worse?

He hired a guy to write emails for him.

So called “email marketing specialist”.

The email was straight up horseshit.

Just take a peek:

And the second nuke:

“Email marketing specialist”.

Please never call yourself one if your emails look like THIS.

So I tell him…

They’re too fuckin salesy.

A bottom-tier door 2 door salesman makes a better job at selling.

Not personalized at all.

Vague as fuck.

Tryna be smart like Jimmy Neutron.

Etc.

And I think to myself…

Who the fuck would even want this?

So I tell him…

Go to your network, friends, other business owners or ANYONE who could potentially be interested.

Let me know how it goes by Wednesday.

Like a boss.

So Wednesday comes and…

Nothing.

Silence.

Hey?

Nothing.

Thursday:

Hey man, if you dont wanna do this anymore, just lmk.

Nothing.

Friday comes and I get a message.

Shivers sent down my spine.

Felt like I was just sentenced to 50 years behind bars.

Letter from God of Death himself.

No one was interested.

Nani…?

Marco was battling his tears.

His wet dream of selling a 15k emails package for 250 bucks…

Bursted like a bubble.

And…

He disappeared.

Never to be seen again.

Alright, buster…

That was a wild ride.

I just had to drop my childhood trauma on someone else.

Cya.

P.S.

I will be actually using Upwork to see if I can land any clients with it.

I will let ya know.

(I still hate it)

~ Iwo Upwork-hater Cybulski